SAMANTHA EVANS TELLS WHY SEX IS BETTER NOW, AT 47, THAN WHEN SHE WAS IN HER 20 S.
“Too much emphasis is put on being perfect when your partner loves your smile, the dimple on your chin, your luscious buttocks or beautiful eyes.”
The common myth is by the time you hit your 40s, your sex life will be non-existent . I get fed up reading negative articles about being perimenopausal (moving closer to menopause), something which I am. I’m happily married with three children, two of whom are teenagers, but I’m having better sex now than when I was in my 20s. At the age of 20 I was clueless about sex, men and my body. Now, I’m a mature woman who loves sex and knows what she wants.
WE HAVE SEX FREQUENTLY
By this I mean three to four times a week, but not always. It can be hard work motivating yourself, especially if you are tired or don’t feel in the mood, but I find myself getting ratty with everyone if we have a dry spell. We haven’t always had sex this frequently, but I find the best sex often happens when I’m not really in the mood. You don’t even have to have coital sex, just try foreplay or cuddling and kissing.
SEX IS GOOD FOR US
Having sex makes me feel good. The benefits of having sex are huge, from releasing feel-good endorphins to reducing stress, having better sleep and giving you glowing skin, as well as warding off sexual dysfunction. A recent study also showed men who ejaculate often are less likely to develop prostate cancer.
I KNOW WHAT WE LIKE
Now I’m 47, I know what I’m doing when it comes to sex. I know what I like, what turns me off, and how to bring pleasure to myself and my husband. Being together for more than 24 years and married for 17 of them, we have had great sex in the past but are having even better sex now because we talk about it and show each other what we want, need and enjoy. Even now, it still surprises us when we discover that we both have the same thoughts about the same sexual thing or fantasy.
I KNOW HOW TO LET GO
Now I’m older, I find it easier to let go and enjoy sex, rather than filling my head with all the stuff I have to do, or replaying situations and conversations from the day. Sometimes I have to give myself a shake and start concentrating on the pleasurable sensations running through my body,
not on whether or not I’ve done the packed lunches for my children, who are old enough to do their own – I need to let go, they won’t starve!
FINDING MY INNER DOMINATRIX
My husband loves this and so do I – there is something very sexy about dominating your man. Too many women I speak to say they just lie there and expect their man to do all the work, then complain when it isn’t any good. I used to do the same, but now I take control I find I have amazing blended orgasms.
I DON’T PUT UP WITH RUBBISH SEX
In my 20s I put up with rubbish sex because I didn’t know any better. Though I experienced vaginismus – the tightening of vaginal muscles
whenever penetration is attempted – I wouldn’t tell my partner for fear of letting him down sexually. When he found out, he was saddened that he had caused me pain. Now, if it feels uncomfortable, I tell him.
But many women and men endure bad sex to placate their partners. Pretending you enjoy what they are doing when you are busy making a shopping list in your head means they think you’re enjoying it and they will continue doing it in that way. Sex should never feel painful or uncomfortable, and you should not endure sex in this way. It could indicate that something is wrong.
THANK GOODNESS FOR LUBE!
I never used sexual lubricant in my 20s as I thought it was something old women used. Later, I didn’t realise that lubricants and spermicidal gels can cause problems such as thrush, cystitis and vaginal irritation. We discovered organic lubricant seven years ago, and it’s been one of the best finds for our sex life – I won’t have sex without it.
I MAKE NOISE
Making sounds of pleasure will encourage your partner to continue what they’re doing. Most men find responsiveness a greater turn on than the way you look. Encouraging them creates pleasure for both of you.
I’M MORE CONFIDENT IN MY LOOKS
I’ve had three children and my tummy has never been the same since I had my youngest, 11 years ago. But lying there sucking in your tummy means you’re not concentrating on the sex and what’s happening to your body.
Most men don’t give a stuff about how you look; they love confidence . Too much emphasis is put on being perfect when your partner loves your smile, the dimple on your chin, your luscious buttocks or beautiful eyes.
I have had weight issues in the past, but now I have found the right balance: eating healthily, drinking alcohol occasionally and taking regular exercise I quite like the way I look now, which is something I probably wouldn’t have said five years ago. Writing about sex has made me more sexually confident , too; I’ve always liked sex but I love it now.
I hope that my husband and I will continue to have fantastic sex until we die. I know there are ways in which we can keep our sexual intimacy alive into our twilight years even if we are too arthritic to make love.
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